The Bizzare Life Of Heidi Parr

  So, as of August 24th, I am unemployed for the first time in 3 years. 

  And I found out that I won't be getting my RV for up to another 4 weeks, instead of tomorrow. 

  Bummer dude. Big bummer.

  Fortunately for me, I still am living with my mother and she isn't pressing me for rent. But I've decided to use this time to work on the little details of my life. First step is tomorrow, I'm going to go to DHS and apply for food stamps and free healtcare, despite how much I despise government aid programs. I genuinely wish they didn't exist. But right now, I do appreciate the fact they they do indeed exist, because I don't know how I'm going to be able to afford to feed myself until I get a new job, and I never had healthcare to begin with. So maybe being unemployed will help my odds for getting approved. 

  I lost my job because I was tardy often, but this specific occasion was not really typical for a firing I guess. I had tried to gently quit a few times before, but it was too hard to directly say "Here's my two week notice, I'm outie." My employers were more like family than bosses. I tried to say "Can you cut my hours and then stop scheduling me after two months? I'm looking for a new job with benefits and something closer to home." And the response I got was "I can drive you to DHS and we can get you set up with healthcare and foodstamps, no worries. We really want to keep you here." But the real reason I wanted to quit was because I was simply tired of my job. 

  I worked at a shop selling crystals, incense, religious stuff, clothes, etc. My job was to tell people the magic power of rocks. Yeah, seriously. I half heartedly believed rocks might contain some potential to do something for you when I was younger, because who doesn't want to believe that magic rocks exist? But after working there for a year, I fully realized it was made up garbage that simply provided a plecebo effect and truly did nothing. People with cancer, people with no money, people who wanted talk to their dead beloved ones, would come in asking for a rock to fix their problems. And it killed me every time I had to lie to someone and tell them that some pebble from the arizona desert would cure all their problems. "Oh yes, this will bring you money! Just keep it in your wallet." or "This one will help with your cancer. It absorbs negative energy and disperses it into positive energy." It killed me deep inside every time. 

  After a while, I tried to comprimise with myself and only sell really cheap rocks so no one was truly hurt by it. I'd tell myself, "Maybe the plecebo effect will do them some good in rare cases..? Everyone needs a little hope when times are tough." But then I got a new coworker. And let me tell you, this delusional fucking asshole, would prey on anyone who came into the store, and press them to buy extremely expensive stones. I've seen countless people who were severely in debt spend THOUSANDS on their credit card because this buy pushed them to. They thought it would help them out tremendously in the long run and pull them out of their debt. I hated and still hate him so much. Really naive people who were holding onto nothing but hope would get their money sucked right out of them. And we didn't get paid on comission, he just got off on it. 

  A little description of this guy, before I get back on topic. I promise it's related. This guy genuinely talked to himself. Like heard voices and spoke back. It wasn't uncommon to catch him talking to himself in the back stock room. He told me he thought I was an alien being from outer space, and he believed that he was too. Once he told me that his life partner hadn't been reincarnated yet, and that they were a blue avian being that lived on a different dimension. I shit you the fuck not. I don't know how this guy hadn't been locked away in a nut house. The thing that bothered me the least about him was that he didn't like me. He made it his job to make my life difficult, and repeatedly tried to get me fired. So, going to work and dealing with him was quite infuriating. I had to talk myself into showing up often, and sometimes I'd show up late because I could only barely get myself to do so. He'd outright insult me often when the bosses weren't paying attention, which I chose not to make their buisiness. I'd like to think I'm above that sort of behavior at the very least. 

  So, my employers hated him too. They were searching for a way to fire him so that they didn't have to pay the unemployment office 15,000 dollars. You have to have a reason to fire someone like stealing, agression towards employees, etc. etc. Mike was very suave about how he behaved around my bosses, and I'm not the type to narc. So they were having a hard time. The day before I got fired, they wrote up a contract and had me sign it saying that if I was late again before the end of the year, I'd get fired. Their reason for writing me up was supposedly so they didn't get sued or anything if my shitty coworker got fired and I didn't, because I obviously had more reason to be fired. This guy was a gay drag queen on the side, so he could easily play the discrimination card. I have no clue if that was their genuine reason or not, but they both seemed surprised and hurt that the day after I signed the contract, I didn't show up.

  Now, I didn't exactly do it on purpose. In no way, shape, or form, did I want to be unemployed and panicking over it. But maybe some part of me in the back of my head said "It's not worth waking up and going in anymore." I had been woke up several times that day, and every time I'd fall back asleep without a second thought, whereas usually I would panic, get dressed, and zoom out the door last minute and skeet in barely on time.

  I think my subconcious did me a serious solid, because the instant I recieved the phone call of my boss very apologetically saying I was fired, I lightly cried for about 15 minutes because I felt horrible about what I did to them, and then I felt more relieved than I can possibly describe. It was like the day I got out of jail and I realized I would be able to live the rest of my young life exactly how I wanted to. I could finally have a 21st birthday, which my job neglected to allow me to take off because I had to work since it would be Christmas season. I was, and still continue to be, ecstatic. I'm going to try and find a part time at a pet store or something akin to it, and work towards my ultimate end goal. I've had enough of lying for a living, and working with certifiably insane people. I'd rather deal the typical work drama than that any day. 

  And as the RV goes, I am extremely dissapointed I'll have to wait even longer, but it will give me a chance to sort my stuff out a bit before I begin a big project. The RV project is taking longer because I have to wait for the current owners to reorder the title since their children defaced it quite a bit, and my mom said it would be a horrible idea to get a partially taped back together, and severaly stained title. And it appearantly takes 2-4 weeks to recieve in the mail. 

  But yeah, that's how I've been doing. Ever the stress filled life on my end. But maybe this little bit of change can bring me to a better place in life. After having lived a long time with a very pessimistic and dismal view on life, the past few years of trying out positive thinking has brought me into a lot of unique and amazing situations. I am exactly the type of person that would get into a strangers car beause they have a dog(which I have done, and I made a really good friend that way), or try the strange drug someone offers(it was fun, but I wouldn't suggest anyone else try that lol), or even meet up with a shifty person off of the internet(he wasn't that shifty in person, just obviously awkward. I never met up with him again though). I'm not saying you should be that person that always just goes with the flow, in fact I would discourage it. But it's worked pretty well for me as long as I apply just the smallest bit of common sense. Like, obvious weapons are a big no no unless they're holstered or put away. I also stay away from people who shoot stuff up. That's a whole different breed of human. 

  I'll just sign off with this, never lose hope when shitty stuff happens to you. Everything in this world is temporary, and things can always change for the better if you try to be better yourself. There's always going to be bad people and bad things that happen, but if you keep yourself above that, you'll always do well. 

Ever since I was a kid, I had the dream of moving into an RV and traveling the country with a hoard of awesome animals. Well, lucky for me, a friend of my mother happened to be selling one for 800 dollars. The engine and everything works fine, it just needs a LOT of interior work, which I am 100% down for. A fucked up interior just means I get to hippy it the fuck up with mandala wall paper, galaxy ceilings with glow in the dark stars, and multicolored flooring(I shit you not, that's exactly what I'm doing). Oh, and if all goes according to plan, I'm using mortar and crystals to create the wall in the bathroom, which I already have the supplies for. Yeah, I'm making the ultimate hippy mobile. 
I also have another aspiration for this new chapter in my life, and that would to be breeding reptiles and maybe other animals on board my hippy mobile(which I've decidedly named Sheila). Mostly ball pythons, since they don't get too big. I've had the idea to try this for a while since I met a family a while back that did something quite similar.

While I was on a trip through the states in a rented RV, I stopped at a KOA campground and met a family of people who made their living buying cheap rv's and flipping them, and also bred TONS of frenchie terriers. I first started talking to them because as I walked passed their RV, about 15 frenchie pups were standing on the doorway steps staring at me, and I couldn't resist going up to pet them. I asked a lot of questions about their life style, and grew increasingly infatuated with the idea of doing something similar. They all seemed really happy, and the idea of being able to move somewhere new at the drop of a hat excited me so much. I mean, who wouldn't want to live in California one month, then move to Sierra, Nevada the next, then go to New Orleans? I could go anywhere, any time, and meet new people and see new and amazing places whenever it suits me. Of course, I've got a tremendous amount of work to do first. Starting with flipping this RV.
I'm currently working on getting the title, then I'll get the beast parked in the driveway where I can start my work. I'm guessing it'll take me a month or two, but I tend to underestimate a lot. I'll be posting pictures as I go as well, and maybe do some youtube videos on "How to Renovate an RV on the Cheap". I've got a remarkably low budget, but I think I can stick to it without too much strain. 

Anywho, I'll just finish up with this. Despite what other's may tell you, you really can follow your dreams if you wait long enough and work hard enough at a certain goal. My dream is becoming a reality by sheer chance and wishful thinking, but you can find your happiness if you search hard enough for it. Sometimes it just takes time. Best of luck to you!

You ever blown your head off in your dream? Like a bunch of giant mutant canibals trap you in a warped version of your house and start tearing people out left and right? No? Oh. Well, for once one of my dreams seemed to be organized enough that it's actually describable, and actually kind of terrifying. 

So, I was hanging out in a slightly off version of my house. Instead of being a single story, it was a two story house that had clearly been recently renovated. On story numero dos, a about 15 strangers and myself were discussing something, when there was a scream for somewhere all too close. As I look outside, I see a giant, grinning, humanoid type monster grinning in through the sliding glass back door looking over the porch with ease. It looks me in the eyes for a moment, then grabs a middle aged woman staring, frozen in fear. Everyone else on the porch scatters in an attempt to get anywhere safe, but are quickly swept up by hands from all sides of the wooden structure. Clearly, there was more than one giant.
A thought passes through my mind, "How did they get through? How are there so many?" Then I hear people downstairs screaming. Everyone near me was panicking, crying, and searching for something to use as a weapon. Since it's my house, I know where a single weapon is. A gun. I know that for whatever reason, guns won't be affective against the giants. But I also know I don't want to die by being eaten alive. When I pull out the gun, everyone cheers. "You've saved us!" A man cheers. I shake my head. "The only place these bullets are going to go is in my head. Come with me if you want a quick death instead of being eaten alive." Everyone looked at each other, and I could tell by their expressions that they wanted to fight. 

At that same moment, the door from downstairs recieves a hard BANG. Just from the crunching, gurgling, sounds that followed, it was clearly someone who had tried to flee and failed. I use this moment to make my escape. Ripping the door open, I stomp the eight food giant square in the back and momentarily flatten it to the once comrade, and run towards the garage door. 20 feet. 10 feet. I look to my left before the wall interupts my sight, just in time to catch sight of a blood bath. All 40 people living here had been crudely dismantled. Running passed further, I reach the garage and slam the door behind me. Sitting on the concrete step, I avert my eyes down, but see much further. Everything that I ever was flashes before me. Failures, successes, loved family and friends, and I let that all go. I stick the barrell of the gun in my mouth, and close my eyes and gently squeeze the trigger. I feel an indescribable heat and force for only a moment, but a moment was enough. I haven't had a lot of dreams where I can physically feel them, but I could feel the instant my skull cracked and the lights went out. I never thought a dream could actually traumatize me like that. Oh, and I'm not done.

After pulling the trigger, I was suddenly in an immensely gorgeous bed, in the same old grimy garage, in the same spot. I felt so peaceful. Just in the space of the bed was light, coming from no direction. Just present, existing light. I look to my right and see the same monster I saw before on the porch, but it's different. The smile is almost more menacing, and somehow so welcome. He's holding my hand, which is still holding the gun, but gives no pressure to my hand and he has no care about the device. He slowly leans in, maintaining eye contact, and I know he is aiming for my neck. I stare at him right back and give him the warmest. happiest smile as I pull him in for a hug and he tears me to shreds.

And that's that. That was the dream. My apologies for not writing too well. I'm clearly no professional. I don't think this dream was particularly insightful towards my mental state. I think I just shouldn't fall asleep watching Attack On Titan(a show about giant cannibals attacking people, and people occasionally kill themselves in the show to avoid being eaten). The spookiest part of the entire dream was certainly offing myself in the garage. I was off for days. The sensation alone is burned into my memory. I have no way of ever knowing if shooting yourself in the noggin really feels like that or not, but I don't think I'll ever care to find out. 

And sorry if I disturbed anyone  who may actually be on this website at some point. I'm more recording this here for my own amusement. Maybe a year or two from now, I'll read this and have completely forgotten it. I dunno. I just think this is a dream to remember, and maybe it will entertain someone for a minute.